Whenever I have a desire of something, I always consider if it’s really good for me. I remember when I was pregnant for the first time, I really wanted the child which was to be born, to be a boy. I couldn’t imagine being n a different situation (I’m sure Satya will be sad when she reads this…), but some strange force rejected taking care of a girl. It’s a very personal confession, but I’m not very sentimental. I approach matters that happened but are not present any more with a distance. As in the saying: what was, but isn’t anymore etc. But let me continue…

When the delivery time came, it was late night. New situation, new challenge, and of course a big unknown: WHAT WILL BE BORN??? My prayers for a boy reached their climax! I started promising to myself, that I will be a exemplary mom, I will take care of my son as best as I can, that I will never let anything bad happen to him etc.

And it happened. The nurse assisting in the birth put away the new born child to some place they put the infants, and said right behind my head: “A cute, healthy little girl.” and… her face immediately turned into total shock. Turning my head around to see the child, I yelled: “WHAT??? A GIRL???? What girl? Excuse me, but I’m not ready for a girl!!!”

I saw a crying baby, whose skin had taken on a purple color in the light of the neon bulb. I was shocked. Mad, that my prayers had not been answered: What should I do now?! Run away from here as fast as possible and never come back!”

I pushed away the feeling that wanted to be spoken out loud with great hardship, and hugged “the little girl”. After a few moments, having kept her next to me, I realized that this is MY girl that I have to take care of her, feed her, that she has no one other than me in the world. I realized that I have no impact on so many things happening around me, and those that are to come. I thanked God for the fact that He knows what He’s doing. I relaxed knowing that: everything is in His hands. Whatever happens to me is GOOD, because God is GOOD, and he knows what is good for me. Whew, what a refuge. Different thing may be happening to us in this travel of life, but the art of it is to accept them as they are. The art, that makes us feel stronger and peaceful.

This whole unusual life affected my life greatly, and… I am a happy mom! :)